Im attempting to set my cell phone up with my blog. Hope this works =)

I'm On Fire.

Today is Michael's birthday, we went to my hometown, to have dinner with my parents. While my father and Michael went to the restaurant to wait for a table, my mother and I went to pick up my sister from her praise team practice at their church. On our way, we get a call from my sisters friend, telling us to take a back road into the church, that there was a fire on the road right next door and the main way was blocked. My mom began panicking, I like to think I kept it cool on the outside, but on the inside all I could think about was a smell. How weird? Let me rewind here. Last January, we (my family) lost our house to a fire. We lost everything we owned, I believe I was the lucky one of the situation, I had just moved a few of my items of clothing back to my dorm room, but my parents and younger sister, lost everything. The fire at my house happened  early on a Sunday morning, I didn't get a call from my mother until 8am or so. I drove home...what was left...

We rustled through the rubble that Sunday, waded through freezing water on the floor of the house, and tried to imagine why it had happened, what we could have done to prevent all of this heartache. 

The worst thing we lost, were our keepsakes. Our memories, family portraits, heirlooms, home video's, things that can never in this lifetime be replaced. 

We tried to salvage as many of our winter clothes as we could. Each article was saturated with the smoldering stench.

Imagine a scent that reminds you of the worst possible thing, person, situation in the world, and this is what this odor is to me.

Tonight, I relived my house fire. I wasn't there a year ago, I didn't wake up to the sound of shattering glass, sounding as if there were a killer in my home, smashing all of my antique glass pieces, smashing anything he could get his hands on, I wasn't there to smell the smoke the first time, I didn't see the high flames, or feel the heat. I didn't have to run through the street in the middle of the night, seeking the help of my neighbors, trying to make myself wake up from this mad dream, but my parents did. Tonight, I felt like I was there a year a go with them, in our house, listening to the glass, hearing the sirens.  It was all too real.

The odor was throughout my hometown, through out my parents church, in my hair, my car, my clothing, and after driving forty-five minutes back to our place, showering....I still have the vile smell all around me. 

I hate leaving on this depressing note, but I have nothing left to give at the moment. Thanks for reading.

~T

ilovemountains

 Mountain Top Removal is killing Culture! Stealing Our Heritage!!! SAVE THE MOUNTAINS! 

Check out "Lost Mountain" by Erik Reece, "Work and Faith in the Kentucky Coal Fields; Subject to Dust" by Richard Callahan, and "Sludge" a documentary by Robert Salyer.

http://appalshop.org/sludge/

www.dirtymoney.org 

http://www.ilovemountains.org/news/673 

 

 

Dealing

Some reason or another these lyrics are in my head, "as long as you love me so, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow". We have about 4 inches outside my house. I love it. I have no where else in the world to be, but right here. Sitting in my office, looking out through my window onto the street. 

Amour

This is outside my window. Beautiful. 

Normally I'm not a fan of the snow, I like to be on the go, but since classes started back, being home, and doing absolutely nothing is wonderful. Watching the white flakes drift from the sky may be my favorite thing to watch. It's relaxing, and face it, all college kids need to relax.

This is an email I got from my mother yesterday, regarding my Nana.  Just one more thing on the plate to swallow.

"Didn't get to tell you earlier; Nana went to the surgeon today. She is sending her to see a Radiologist at St. Mary's that will do her radiation treatment after surgery. They do a specialized treatment there that is only 5 days instead of the 6 weeks she would have to have with normal radiation treatment also with less side effects. She goes there next Wednesday to talk with them to make sure that is a good option for her and then she will schedule surgery with Dr. Logenza after that. Dr. Logenza said the lump is very small, about 7 mm, from what they can tell. It is in Stage I which is very early stage. They will also check her lymph nodes when they do the lumpectomy, which is a normal process."

Why do bad things happen to such good people? Some tell me, "it's god's way of showing his healing power." Others have said "that's just life." I'm not sure what to make of it all. I don't handle things like that very well, something I've never been able to do. As harder I try, the tears just seem to come faster. I suppose I feel sorry for myself, but more importantly, I'm concerned for my Nana, she's so brave, unafraid, and just straight up tough. One of the most important figures of influence I've had in my life. Someone I've always been able to talk to and lean on. Today I called her, and when we talked, the only thing I seemed to be able to do was cry, and tell her how scared I was for her, and Nana simply said, "Im not scared, you shouldn't be, It's going to be okay." I look up to her, and love her with my whole heart. If I could choose anyone in the would to be like, it would be my Nana. 

Just a few things going on inside my head. Thanks for listening, well...reading.

Until then,

~T