I'm On Fire.

Today is Michael's birthday, we went to my hometown, to have dinner with my parents. While my father and Michael went to the restaurant to wait for a table, my mother and I went to pick up my sister from her praise team practice at their church. On our way, we get a call from my sisters friend, telling us to take a back road into the church, that there was a fire on the road right next door and the main way was blocked. My mom began panicking, I like to think I kept it cool on the outside, but on the inside all I could think about was a smell. How weird? Let me rewind here. Last January, we (my family) lost our house to a fire. We lost everything we owned, I believe I was the lucky one of the situation, I had just moved a few of my items of clothing back to my dorm room, but my parents and younger sister, lost everything. The fire at my house happened  early on a Sunday morning, I didn't get a call from my mother until 8am or so. I drove home...what was left...

We rustled through the rubble that Sunday, waded through freezing water on the floor of the house, and tried to imagine why it had happened, what we could have done to prevent all of this heartache. 

The worst thing we lost, were our keepsakes. Our memories, family portraits, heirlooms, home video's, things that can never in this lifetime be replaced. 

We tried to salvage as many of our winter clothes as we could. Each article was saturated with the smoldering stench.

Imagine a scent that reminds you of the worst possible thing, person, situation in the world, and this is what this odor is to me.

Tonight, I relived my house fire. I wasn't there a year ago, I didn't wake up to the sound of shattering glass, sounding as if there were a killer in my home, smashing all of my antique glass pieces, smashing anything he could get his hands on, I wasn't there to smell the smoke the first time, I didn't see the high flames, or feel the heat. I didn't have to run through the street in the middle of the night, seeking the help of my neighbors, trying to make myself wake up from this mad dream, but my parents did. Tonight, I felt like I was there a year a go with them, in our house, listening to the glass, hearing the sirens.  It was all too real.

The odor was throughout my hometown, through out my parents church, in my hair, my car, my clothing, and after driving forty-five minutes back to our place, showering....I still have the vile smell all around me. 

I hate leaving on this depressing note, but I have nothing left to give at the moment. Thanks for reading.

~T